Quotes About Humor

Your mother rolls her eyes at the cat lapping grapefruit juice, says, Everything that comes into this house is crazy - whether we choose them for that or they get that way, I don't know.

Persiflage is my nom de guerre. (Don't use foreign expressions. It's elitist.)

Bent Bender "Well, if God doesn't exist, who's laughing at us?" —Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov One day Lecia rings me up. Tawdry, she says. An adjective meaning crude or trashy or otherwise unseemly, I say. Talk to me. Mother's sleeping with Harold, she says, meaning Daddy's pill-popping nurse, crashing of late in the spare room. Never happen, I say. That man has got to be gay. Happened, she says.

Most kids bent their heads onto their notebooks and tried to sleep. One boy gauged the quality of his day by sleeping on graph paper, then drawing a circle around the drool spot he'd made and comparing it for size and integrity to his drool spot from the day before. For

The pay was crap. My boss was an idiot. And the final straw was that she wanted me to demonstrate a colon cleanse. On the air." Billy sniggered. "Talk about a shitty assignment.

Unfortunately, most of us end up with somebody who's somewhere between Jed Clampett and Homer Simpson.

somehow, I must have given you my dog, Poppy, instead of Shaz." "Thanks a lot," Zoey said. "This damn dog has been barfing for ten minutes. She barfed all over the car, herself, me, it's everywhere. It's disgusting.

I am forced to conclude that God made Texas on his day off, for pure entertainment, just to prove that all that diversity could be crammed into one section of earth by a really top hand.

I believe in kindness. Also in mischief.

Footnote: In 1998, a woman in Saline, Michigan received a patent for a Decorative Penile Wrap...The patent included three pages of drawings, including a penis wearing a ghost outfit, another in the robes of the Grim Reaper, and one dressed up to look like a snowman.

Meaning 'by way of the anus'. 'Per Annum', with two n's, means 'yearly'. The correct answer to the question, 'What is the birthrate per anum?' is zero (one hopes).

The slang for the rectum is prison wallet.

think of it.' said Robert Rosenbluth, a doctor whose acquaintance i made at the start of this book. 'no engineer could design something as multifunctional and fine tuned as an anus. to call someone an asshole is really bragging him up.

The human head is of the same approximate size and weight as a roaster chicken.

As when astronaut Mike Mulhane was asked by a NASA psychiatrist what epitaph he'd like to have on his gravestone, Mulhane answered, A loving husband and devoted father, though in reality, he jokes in Riding Rockets, I would have sold my wife and children into slavery for a ride into space.

You may be thinking, Wow, that Mary Roach has her head up her ass. To which I say: Only briefly, and with the utmost respect.

It's amazing what sometimes gets accomplished via an initially jarring but ultimately harmless shift in thinking. Is cutting the organs out of a dead man and stitching them into someone else barbaric and disrespectful, or is it a straightforward operation to save multiple lives? Does crapping into a Baggie while sitting 6 inches away from your crewmate represent a collapse of human dignity or a unique and comic form of intimacy?

One IGHS member said that, yup, she could hear it, too. Then again, during a dinner conversation earlier in the trip, this same woman heard "Siegfried and Roy" as "Sigmund Freud." The resulting image-Sigmund Freud with flowing hair and tigers and too much men's makeup-haunts me to this day.

I like the term decedent. It's as though the man weren't dead but merely involved in some sort of protracted legal dispute.

I remember watching Morin walk away from me, the endearing gait and the butt that got lubed for science, and thinking, 'Oh my god, they're just people.

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)

Silletti and I, for instance, chewed out cotton wads for the same amount of time. I produced .78 milliliters of stimulated saliva; she produced 1.4. She tried to reassure me. It doesn't say anything about how good you are or how good I am with saliva. Erika, I'm a dried up husk. Don't say that, Mary.

Ka was the essence of teh person: spirit, intelligence, feelings and passions, humor, grudges, annoying television theme songs, all the things that make a person a person and not a nematode.

He describes opening up an artery, flushing the blood out with water, and pumping in alcohol. I've been to frat parties like that.