Quotes About Humor

Don't panic and carry a towel

Two to the power of twenty thousand to one against and falling.

It has been said that Vogons are not above a little bribery and corruption in the same way that the sea is not above the clouds

but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied. Look at me: I design coastlines. I got an award for Norway.

I like everything," moaned the robot. "Especially when you shout at me like that. Do it again, please.

Funny old thing, life, isn't it?

Great to see you big boy, how's the noise? You're looking great, really very, very fat and unwell. Amazing.

The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear of the time they call The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief, are small blue creatures with more than fifty arms each, who are therefore unique in being the only race in history to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.

The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.

For much of the time we were tramping through wet fields of sago, and a foolish but happy thought suddenly occurred to me. We were walking through the only known anagram of my name -- which is Sago Mud Salad.

Life," said Marvin, "don't talk to me about life." He

If you absolutely had to have sex with one of the Three Stooges, who would it be?

They ate so much food out of the can, the jar, the tinfoil, the box, that the youngest thought her mother's name was Sara Lee.

I think computers ought to have a key called I'M DRUNK, and when you push it, it prevents you from sending email for twelve hours. I've got another one: a key called FUCK OFF. You press it every time your computer does something annoying -- in turn this would somehow force your computer to experience pain. And if you pushed SHIFT/FUCK OFF, you'd end up with FUCK OFF AND DIE, the computer equivalent of a razor being raked across your nipples.

You are paralyzed by the fact that cruelty is often amusing.

Jesus, Neal, watching you eat with a spork is like seeing Helen Keller at a ladies' afternoon tea.

Probably tastes like a pocket calculator garnished with dried herpes juice flakes.

Federal and provincial politicians were about as functional and helpful as Peter, Chris, Stewie and Brian Griffin drinking ipecac together on Family Guy.

Must be the clean Long Island air, he thought wryly.

Charles backed down. He is reputed to have said, Capon, Capon, vous êtes un mauvais chapon. 'Capon, Capon, you are one evil chicken.' " "Chicken jokes are quite prevalent in the family," the countess said. The count said, "We eat capons at Christmas. It's a little cannibalistic.

God give me chastity, but not right now.

Does a toilet seat get ass?

And what was he like? Did he have three heads?" "If he did, two must have been successfully removed in infancy.

It is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.