Quotes About Humor

an ugly hatchet man who considered Kmart velour sweatpants haute couture.

Where's Vickie?" Vickie was Cora's daughter. "She's spending the night at the McMansion with my ex and his horse-faced wife. Or as I prefer to put it, she's spending the night in the bunker with Adolf and Eva." Grace

Coach Bobby put his finger in my face. I debated biting it off—that always gets a man's attention. "You're a dead man, Bolitar. You hear me? A dead man." "A deaf man?" I said. "A dead man." "Oh, good, because if I were a deaf man, I wouldn't be able to hear you. Come to think of it, if I were a dead man, I wouldn't be able to either." The

Do you know what bisexual means?" "Of course," Myron said. "I dated a lot of bisexual women—I'd mention sex, the girl would say, 'Bye.' Ã¢â'¬Â Esperanza

Cheeseburger medium rare, fries, a Bud." "You want an angiogram after that?" "Good

Oh, I'm sorry, I forget your name. I keep calling you Hipster Pundit in my head, so can I just call you Chad?

Making friends?" Tripp asked. "I'm a people person," Adam said. "You know he's the VP of the board, right?" "I must remember to genuflect next time I see him," Adam said. "I'm president." "In that case, I better get some kneepads." Tripp

I need to search you." He was pretty thorough. I was going to make a joke about him enjoying it or maybe say a boat ride on the Bateau Mouche would be nice before he felt me up, but I wondered about the French sense of humor. Wasn't Jerry Lewis an icon here? Maybe a sight gag would be more appropriate.

He shook his head. "You remind me of my first wife." "Was she hot too?" "A hot mess.

revealing a line of chest hair long enough for a curling iron.

I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about.

I'll accept being Phoebe to people for a while longer, given how much fun it was. That's totally fair.

Apparently, I have a totally different sense of humour.

When you get started in comedy, you're at the bottom of the totem pole. Not only are you not getting paid at these open mics. You're actually paying to do them.

I like to make people laugh. That's for sure. And I really like to humiliate myself and go very far in derision and stuff. But no, I like everything. I started a little bit of doing drama, too. I like that, too. I guess I just want to touch everything.

I tweeted that I wanted Little Mix's 'Touch' played at my funeral - I think that'd be a great song to send me into the abyss.

Comedy needs to happen naturally and be in touch with the character. When you see that guy in your office that everybody laughs at, he doesn't think he's funny. He's just being him, and that's the joke.

You know why I'm pulling your leg? Because I can't touch it from where I am.

If you start to disrespect the character you're playing, or play it too much for laughs, that can work for a sketch, it will sell some gags, but it's all technique. It's like watching a juggler - you can be impressed by it, but it's not going to touch you in any way.

Prison widens your circle of friends. In my stand-up, I can now talk about things that no one else has the right to touch.

You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than you. The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level.

The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.

I can touch my toes, but I bend in a strange way. I'll never be in the Olympics.