Quotes About Philosophy

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

Sometimes the only answer to death is lunch.

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.

Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation.

Are the gods not just?' 'Oh no, child. What would become us us if they were?

Another day gone and no jokes.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.