Quotes About Misunderstanding

The fundamental misunderstanding of humanity is believing that we can achieve all our desires without limitation.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

No means yes in grasshopper language.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way.

I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."