Quotes About Misunderstanding

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

Why does everyone have to pretend to be stupid and not know long words?

It is one of the major tragedies that nothing is more discomforting than the hearty affection of the Old Friends who never were friends.

I don't know if my sense of humor goes over Americans' heads.

From the way Denny's shaking his head, he's either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye.

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".

I said it jokingly, so this guy was just trying to stir something up that's not there. He's just somebody who doesn't have a sense of humor, like I do.

Whenever I indulge my sense of humor, it gets me into trouble.

I maintain that some Jew wrote it who probably heard about Christian people but never encountered any.

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.

This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.

He hadn't said a word to me until we had been roommates for eight months. And even then it had only been, "You're wearing my socks.

Sorry I painted the word 'twat' on your garage door.

When I was a wee little kid, " remarked Roic, watching over their shoulders, "there was a time I thought that any skinny old man I saw was my grandfather. It was pretty confusing.