Quotes About Religion

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

I feel much freer now that I am certain the pope is the Antichrist.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.

Are the gods not just?' 'Oh no, child. What would become us us if they were?

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.

And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.

I don't believe you really know God if you do not recognize His sense of humor.

What year did Jesus think it was?

Thank God for Darwin, eh?

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for?

What would a Mohammedan vampire do if faced with a cross?

And with a little sense of humor we can say that there are Christian bats who prefer the shadows to the light of the presence of the Lord.

Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.

Do I think faith will be an important part of being a good president? Yes, I do.