Quotes About Joke

What's red and green and goes 80 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

Another suitor you failed to mention?" he asked, only half in jest. Her eyes widened innocently, she started to shake her head - and froze. "Look mister," Jim said tiredly. "I don't know who you are, and I don't care. You're too damn old for her-" "Hi, Daddy.

Sometimes an actor will stumble on the joke, and I'm right on them. Back it up before the audience hears the bad version of the joke, because humor is 90% surprise. If they know what's coming, they won't laugh as hard.

When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.

My friends joke that I'm a young veteran in the UFC.

Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence.

I'm a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially vicious situations quickly. It gets things in perspective and helps everyone to see that things aren't as bad as they seem.

I have a comic character - my sister said that I'm the victim of every joke I tell.

Women don't have a sense of humor," Bertie said. "They don't need one. The Almighty made them as a permanent joke on men. From which one may logically deduce that the Almighty is a female.

Hush, Harry. Or you'll go to the special hell. I blinked at that, confused. I'm not supposed to be the guy who doesn't get the reference joke, dammit.

I eyed the spirit. "You know the name 'Alfred' is a joke, right?" It stared at me. A wind that didn't exist stirred the hem of its cloak. I raised my hands in surrender and said, "All right. I guess you need a first name, too. Alfred Demonreach it is.

I even heard that they can bring people back from the dead. Jesus, Butter swore. I kinda doubt they had anything to do with that one. No, no, I meant -- I know what you meant. t was a joke, Butters.

I blinked at that, confused. I'm not supposed to be the guy who doesn't get the reference joke, dammit.

I yawned and I stretched. I sure was needing some sleep, but I guess I'm always in need of sleep like I'm always in need of food. Because my labors were mighty ones--ol' Hercules didn't know what hard work was--and what is there to do but eat and sleep? And when you're eatin' and sleepin' you don't have to fret about things you can't do nothing about. And what else is there to do but laugh an' joke...how else can you bear up under the unbearable?

This is an inside joke and your on the outside!

Being fat isn't so bad.. fat people are harder to kidnap!!

Merry started and shook her head. No, even if the man were naked and in her shower right now, she could never just climb in there and start manhandling him. Not even in a fantasy. Because what she'd really do is screw up the courage to slip into the shower naked, and then she'd stand there awkwardly while he soaped himself. She'd probably crack a joke. Then make an excuse about how crowded it was and just slip away.

There is that old joke. Why is there never a coup in the United States? Because there is no US embassy there.

We are all only God's joke here having the same punch line.

In almost every interview someone asks what does HIM stand for. I can't even remember our latest lie about that. When Hanson was hot, we said it means Hanson Is Murder. The name doesn't have a particular history. His Infernal Majesty was a totally different band. I think HIM derives from some death metal joke.

The higher the rank, the droller the prank.

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.

Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.

It was a joke, okay? If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn't have written it!