Quotes About Penis

Winters in Michigan are a lot like John Holmes's penis: awe-inspiring but way too long, leaving you to wonder—after the

there was a universal gasp as the audience saw that the man's penis was tattooed from top to bottom as well. No one in the crowd was unaware that this was by far the most sensitive spot on the male body, and most of them had heard stories of how such tattoos were done. While the tattoo master plied his bundles of sharp-tipped needles as gently as possible, an assistant would stretch the skin taut, and four strong men would immobilize the arms and legs of the shrieking, writhing subject.

You'd think God invented stupidity the same day he came up with the penis.

Nor did Kevin go, "Ew-w," when he pulled his penis out and it was brown and smelly, and that, too, Guy considered a rite de passage .

The Beautiful Poem" I go to bed in Los Angeles thinking about you. Pissing a few moments ago I looked down at my penis affectionately. Knowing it has been inside you twice today makes me feel beautiful.

John, let me make one thing clear," Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. "Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis' penis would be larger than your penis."..... ..."Fuck all of you," John retorted. "You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination.

Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis.

Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis." There was a moment of stunned silence, then I heard Jen start laughing so hard I thought she would choke. "Fuck all of you," John retorted. "You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination.

John, let me make one thing clear," Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. "Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis.

Ship, lady. This here's a ship," he said defensively, as if she'd told him, "Your penis: I find it minuscule.

Men have a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to supply one at a time.

There's also a penis museum in Finland.

Behind the toilet, a sculpture of a penis urinated into a bowl after you flushed. Too much cock.

Did I mention the dolphin? As a unique selling point the boys in Tahiti had caught themselves a big grey beasty which spent all day on its back, in a lagoon, being pawed by overweight American women with preposterous plastic tits and unwise G-string bikini bottoms. 'Would you like to see his penis?' asked the man in a skirt when I climbed into the water. No. What I'd like to do is spear you through the heart with a harpoon and let the miserable thing have a taste of freedom.

I'm sure once he recovers from the muscle tone and tattoos he'll be fine.' Good thing he didn't know about the penis piercing. That would give him a heart attack. Or the fact that I had seen the penis piercing.

Elbridge Gerry had bawdily likened standing armies to a tumescent penis: "An excellent assurance of domestic tranquillity, but a dangerous temptation to foreign adventure.

Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody? Adina scoffed. Is she all, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't s ee your penis there'? Tiara squealed and waved her hands. Don't say that word! What? Accidentally? Sorry? Penis? Gah! Tiara put her fingers in her ears. What about phallic? Petra teased. Like, 'Yon volcano is quite phallic, Lady Tiara.' Tiara looked confused. Phallic means penis-like, Petra explained. Ooh, Tiara said.

Listen: I don't have anything against autobiographies, so long as the writer has a penis that's twelve inches long when erect. So long as the writer is a woman who was once a whore and is moderately wealthy in her old age.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth... and kill!

until Eric had explained that it was really just an excuse for a guy to rub his penis all over a girl and not get slapped in the face. After that

Well, I don't mean boner in the sexual sense," Gordy said. "I don't think you should run through life with a real erect penis. But you should approach each book—you should approach life—with the real possibility that you might get a metaphorical boner at any point.

I don't think you should run through life with a real erect penis. But you should approach life – with the real possibility that you might get a metaphorical boner at any point.

Nerd boy? Where he? (Biff) 'Okay... sad that they couldn't even form a complete sentence. See what happens when you abuse steroids? Dudes should have read the warning label. First the penis shrinks, then the sentence structure deteriorates. Next thing you know, you're climbing to the top of the Empire State Building, swatting at planes with your over-sized fists.' (Nick)