Quotes About Satire

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn't make me laugh.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Britain has invented a new missile. It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I like children - fried.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards

Myspace is my ex husband, Facebook is my baby daddy, Twitter is my ho and I'm in a serious relationship with Instagram.

If your girlfriend complains that you never take her anywhere expensive...take her to the gas station.

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight. haha

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

Pornographers are the enemies of women only because our contemporary ideology of pornography does not encompass the possibility of change, as if we were the slaves of history and not its makers. Pornography is a satire on human pretensions.

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

Women... can't live with 'em... can't shoot 'em.

CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.