Quotes About Communication

People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life.

Never praise a sister to a sister in the hope of your compliments reaching the proper ears.

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabetsoup?

Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad.

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

The three words women most want to hear from a man are, "You lost weight".

Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that mine are new advertising campaigns.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

If my mom reads that I'm grammatically incorrect, I'll have hell to pay.

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'

If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.

The longest word in the english language is the one that follows the phrase, 'And now a word from our sponsor'.

I used to keep my college room mate from reading my personal mail by hiding it in her textbooks.

I speak twelve languages. English is the bestest

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.

Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I dont know.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Dont believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves.