Quotes About Communication

A communications expert once made this distinction: "A know-it-all who doesn't know what he is talking about is a jerk. A know-it-all who does know what he is talking about is just an ass.

Making someone "feel felt" simply means putting yourself in the other person's shoes. When you succeed, you can change the dynamics of a relationship in a heartbeat. At that instant, instead of trying to get the better of each other, you "get" each other and that breakthrough can lead to cooperation, collaboration, and effective communication.

You're in trouble if you're trying to gain buy-in from someone who's feeling angry, defiant, upset, or threatened because, in these situations, the person's higher brain isn't calling the shots. If you're talking to a boss, a customer, a spouse, or a child whose lower brain or midbrain is in control, you're talking to a cornered snake or, at best, a hysterical rabbit.

When people go on the attack it's usually because they feel (rightly or wrongly) that they've been treated poorly. That's especially true if you're dealing with angry and frustrated customers. Often such people feel hurt in many areas of life but save their "road rage" for outbursts that they believe won't get them fired, divorced, or arrested—like kicking the dog or yelling at you.

Becoming defensive or counterattacking simply reinforces the idea that you think these people are wrong and unimportant (and stupid), which amplifies their mirror neuron gap and fuels their fire. When you make a counterintuitive move and encourage them to talk, you do the opposite: You mirror respect and interest, and they feel compelled to send the same message back.

Move a person from hostility to mild confusion and already you've moved one step in the right direction.

So the first thing you need to do is to break down the thick walls between these silos. To do that, build on the things all silos have in common: the sky above (a shared vision) and the ground below (shared values).

you will deal, every day, with people who have "mirror neuron gaps" because the world isn't giving back to them what they're putting out. (My guess, in fact, is that this is a nearly universal condition of humankind.) Understanding a person's hunger and responding to it is one of the most potent tools you'll ever discover for getting through to anyone you meet in business or your personal life.

It is not a guilt tripping, it is empathy training

The customer is sometimes wrong. —HERB KELLEHER, FORMER CHAIRMAN AND CEO, SOUTHWEST AIRLINES

An ounce of apology is worth a pound of resentment

What I mean by crazy is irrational. There are four ways in which the people you deal with can be irrational: •?They can't see the world clearly. •?They say or think things that make no sense. •?They make decisions and take actions that aren't in their best interest. •?They become downright impossible when you try to guide them back to the side of reason.

Good clients and customers raise the bar. Bad ones just keep hitting you over the head with it.

1. Recognize that the person you're dealing with isn't able to think rationally in the current situation.

3. Realize that the crazy behavior isn't about you. Instead, it's all about the person you're dealing with.

4. Talk with the irrational person, leaning into his crazy by entering his world calmly and with intention.

Why is stipulation a smart technique? Because when people already know (or will quickly find out) the problem that you're admitting to, your best move is to get it out of the way. Even better, you can often transform that problem into a powerful asset.

The key fact to know when somebody goes nuclear is that the person is stuck in attack mode, so rational, reasonable, intelligent conversation won't work. A guy who's throwing a computer at the boss or waving a gun around can't listen to reason, because he can't access the higher thought processes that say "Hey, calm down—this is crazy.

5. Show the person that you are an ally rather than a threat by listening calmly and empathetically as he vents.

Your task, if you're facing a person who's running amok, is to break that lock. How? By talking the person up gradually from "I want to hurt someone" to "I'm terribly upset" to "I need to find a smart way to handle this." These stages correlate with the three levels of the brain: the primitive reptile brain, the emotional mammal brain, and the logical human brain.

To do that, follow these steps: 1. Say, "Tell me what happened." Venting allows the person to begin moving from blindly striking out (the most primitive response) to feeling emotional (a higher response). The person's screaming or yelling will upset you, but it's far less dangerous than the threat of physical violence—so let it happen.

3. Wait until the person says "Yes." The simple act of saying "Yes" causes the person to move in the direction of agreement rather than hostility. "Yes" also indicates a willingness to pull away from acting out. If the person corrects what you've said in any way, repeat the information you're given.

4. Now say, "And that makes you feel angry/frustrated/ disappointed/upset or what exactly…." Pick the word you think best describes what the person feels. If the person corrects you, ask the person to say what the actual feeling is and repeat it back and get another "Yes." Remember that when someone attaches a word to a feeling, it lowers agitation. That's critical.

Stage 2 At this point, you're dealing with someone who's no longer striking out wildly but is still venting—better, but still a problem. So your next goal is to move the person from the emotional middle (mammal) brain up into the rational upper (human) brain.