Quotes About Language

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.

And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.

If there's anything I hate it's the word humorist-I feel like countering with the word seriousist.

Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?

Sometimes, a word succeeds beyond the wildest dreams of its creators, like a virus sent into the world to infect common speech.

Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

Don't you DARE use party as a verb in my shop

After all, when a thought takes one's breath away, a lesson on grammar seems an impertinence.

Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?

When will all the rhetorical questions end?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

I like to use big words so people will think I know what I'm talking about.

If she can't spell, why is she a librarian? Librarians should know how to spell.

It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

Why does everyone have to pretend to be stupid and not know long words?

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

Which is him?" The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.

Latin is already a dead language, man... don't make it any deader.