Quotes About Irony

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

There's a thin, blurry line between humor and tragedy.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

I have been accused of being a joker. But the most successful art to me involves humor.

You look as scary as a buttered muffin.

I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer… but no one will do it.

Humor is... despair refusing to take itself seriously.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?