Quotes About Irony

Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

God has a most wicked sense of humor.

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

After I die, I shall return to earth as a gatekeeper of a bordello and I won't let any of you enter.

I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.

To my mind, a well-developed sense of humor is the surest indication of a person's humanity, no matter how black and bitter that humor may be.

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought.

Humor is when the joke's on you but hits the other fellow first -- before it boomerangs.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

i find nothing more depressing than optimism.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

There are two Newman's laws. The first one is "It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down." The second is "Just when things look darkest, they go black.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.

Satire is moral outrage transformed into comic art.