Quotes About Relationships

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.

I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on.

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives.

Helloooo? I just made some changes in my life, and if I don't get back to you as soon as possible, then guess what? You were one of those changes.

The really important things are said over cocktails and are never done.

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.

You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.

It was impossible to get the Dimitri and Tasha thing out of my head, but at least packing and getting ready made sure I didn't devote 100 percent of my brain power to him. More like 95 percent.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

There's a fine line between support and stalking and let's all stay on the right side of that.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.