Quotes About Relationships

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones.

I hate people who cry around me. I'm not friends with them anymore. Especially girls. Cuz girls are crying all the time. It's like, 'Shut up.'

I gave (pitcher) Mike Cuellar more chances than I gave my first wife.

It's easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

Senescence begins And middle-age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends

That is not all I need. I need dogs. A house filled with dogs and a smart, funny, kind, loving girlfriend or wife.

If a guy doesn't like a funny girl, something is wrong with him.

That's the funniest thing about portraying certain things on screen, sitting next to your parents and they get to see this glimpse of me kissing another guy.

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.

Boys in their twenties are a waste of time. They have nothing to offer conversationally; they're immature. I feel like I have a better shot with someone in his thirties.

It's funny how you can be mad at someone one moment and want to hug them the next.

It's money. I remember it from when I was single

Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.

Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.

Every time we had a raid, I'd get a boyfriend out of it.

I am very picky about my people and my beer.

I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.

You can't eat your friends and have them too

It was funny that you know someone for years but still discover something you never noticed before.

Better a loving single-parent family than a 'conventional' family where the parents hate each other and the father is a demagogue.

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.