Quotes About Comedy

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

I asked my wife, "Last night, were you faking it?" She said, "No, I was really sleeping.

The day my wife and I got married—that was a beauty. I gave her the ring and she gave me the finger.

Last week, I went to a discount massage parlor—it was self-service.

My mother, she never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. There was nobody home.

I told my dentist my teeth were all getting yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.

I was an ugly kid. My mother breast-fed me through a straw.

I tell ya one thing, my wife keeps me in line. No matter how many guys are ahead of me.

I tell ya, I know I'm ugly. My proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth.

I told my doctor, "I think my wife has VD." He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

If a movie isn't a hit right out of the gate, they drop it. Which means that the whole mainstream Hollywood product has been skewed toward violence and vulgar teen comedy.

On the contrary, as Miller also notes, "Tragedy implies more optimism in its author than does comedy, and . . . its final result ought to be the reinforcement of the onlooker's brightest opinions of the human animal." For the tragic view indicates that we take seriously man's freedom and his need to realize himself; it demonstrates our belief in the "indestructible will of man to achieve his humanity.

La comicità ha una grande virtù: è un posto sicuro in cui ciò che è serio può rifugiarsi e sopravvivere.»

I'm writing a new book called 'Ventroliquism for Dummies'.

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

They call me Tater Salad

Philosophers used to speculate about what they called the meaning of life. (That is now the job of mystics and comedians.)

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go in.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

My wife tries not to bring out the beast in me -she's afraid of mice.

My dentist was married to a manicurist. But it did not work out. They fought tooth and nail !

Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.