Quotes About Comedy

This is the silliest thing I've heard since the cat yoga craze a couple of years ago. I went right out and bought a cat yoga instruction book and tiny terry-cloth headband and renamed my girl cat 'Olive Neutered John,' which she didn't think was funny. Cats have no sense of humor.

It's great to be hosting SNL again. I hosted sixteen years ago. Back then I was in great shape, I was coming off an MVP season with the Phoenix Suns - now, I play bad golf, drink, sometimes I get arrested.

A boy with Somebody-else's pork pie! Stop him!

He then begs to make his dear Twemlow known to his two friends, Mr. Boots and Mr. Brewer - and clearly has no distinct idea which is which.

It's very soon done, sir, isn't it?' inquired Mr. Folair of the collector, leaning over the table to address him. What is soon done, sir?' returned Mr. Lillyvick. The tying up, the fixing oneself with a wife,' replied Mr. Folair. 'It don't take long, does it?' No, sir,' replied Mr. Lillyvick, colouring. 'It does not take long. And what then, sir?' Oh! nothing,' said the actor. 'It don't take a man long to hang himself, either, eh? Ha, ha!

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

[T]he satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive. Swift destroyed the human race; Mark Twain and Thurber enabled it to go on. We human beings are all absurd variations of one another in any case, and this is what comedy of all kinds puts down on paper.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

To me, a comic says funny things. A humorist thinks funny things. But a humorist must not only think funny, he must listen funny... The best story tellers... are listeners and thinkers.

Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg.

I'm a babe magnet — but the wrong end.

Sarcasm: It's how I hug.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman."

Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

the splat of pies would become a regular component of slapstick, and no one was more adept at throwing them than Arbuckle. The ambidextrous actor sometimes accurately hurled two pies in opposite directions simultaneously.

I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different to us. Seeking out podcasts, listening on headphones, it's like an intimate, specific conversation. People respond if it feels from the heart. I'm as neurotic a human being as lives, and I have my faults. I'm a drunk. But people really like that.

Mm-mm, no, thank you, no, I don't want an enchilaaadaaa. Nor do I want a burr-eye-to. Or a tay-co. Or any other bizarre, unneccessary vowel substitutions.

I don't come on to seduce the audience. I don't care if everyone laughs. I can't think about that anymore. If there's anything that a lot of experience on stage and a lot of stage time gives you is the confidence to know that it's ok if they're not laughing every second you're up there. Although that's what drives me and I still go too fast a lot of the time.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.