Quotes About Comedy

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes I'll get another lawyer."

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning.

This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.'

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

My favorite meal? It has to be furburgers everyday in the morning.

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Yes, I still love 'South Park,' but I also love morning TV now.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

There is nothing more precious than laughter

My mother wanted us to understand that the tragedies of your life one day have the potential to be comic stories the next.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

My mother's greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.

By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

My mother is very short - four-eleven. She could walk under tables and never hit her head.