Quotes About Marriage

Anything I say about women, I try to make sure that at least five or six friends of mine are going through a similar situation. That way I'm not picking on my wife.

What is a wife and what is a harlot? What is a church and what is a theatre? are they two and not one? Can they exist separate? Are not religion and politics the same thing? Brotherhood is religion. O demonstrations of reason dividing families in cruelty and pride!

My wife and I make the bed every morning, but it's a queen size bed today, as opposed to a rack, you know, a small single bed, which I had in basic SEAL training.

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

I wake up at 5:30, 6 in the morning, but don't head into the office right away. I like to hang out with my wife, talk about things, get some coffee, you know.

My wife has about everything I can think of.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife wants me to eat fish; she says it is delicious. But I don't like fish, so that is that.

My wife changes the way that I dress. She makes me dress nicer than I want to dress. I feel like I perpetually dress like a 14-year-old boy, and she makes me stand up straight and wear clean clothes.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Why bother with Google when I have a wife who knows everything about everything!

My notion of a wife at 40 is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two 20s.

My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just being honest.

Tell your wife often how terrific she looks.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

My husband's a lawyer, and I lived a lawyer's wife's life.

When my wife and I got married, she thought of me being an easygoing person, and I warned her I wasn't.

They wanted to give me some other man's liver, and I told them 'I'm not going to sleep next to my wife with another man's liver.'

Never take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

It was weird to be married; you kind of lose your identity. You're suddenly somebody's wife. And you're like, 'Oh, I'm half of a couple now. I've lost me.'

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

My wife thought I was Vincent Schiavelli, and we married.

I met my wife through playing golf. She is French and couldn't speak English and I couldn't speak French, so there was little chance of us getting involved in any boring conversations - that's why we got married really quickly.