Quotes About Marriage

I never ask my wife about my flaws. Instead I try to get her to ignore them and concentrate on my sense of humor.

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

My husband is very funny and his humor has gotten us through a lot. He's good at defusing me.

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

I am one of the unpraised, unrewarded millions without whom Statistics would be a bankrupt science. It is we who are born, who marry, who die, in constant ratios.

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.

Never laugh at your wife's choices… you're one of them

...Mrs. Percy understood that staying beautiful all day long is the most important aspect of being married...

A dutiful wife enables a good man to add her hands to his own for self-applause.

Marriage is the legal method devised to end love without pain.

My partner and I were going to renew our vowels, but the consonants revolted.

Six wives the King's had now.' Barak's words dragged me from my reverie. 'We can't even get one between us.

Even God forgives stupidity. So many married people, heaven would be a ghost town otherwise.

If you're that hypersensitive about color and don't have a sense of humor, don't marry out of your race.

She was the prettiest, silliest, most affected, husband-hunting butterfly ever.

Mrs. Charlotte Phelan's Guide to Husband-Hunting, Rule Number One: a pretty, petite girl should accentuate with makeup and good posture. A tall plain one, with a trust fund.

In my mind, Martha, you are buried in cement right up to your neck. No… right up to your nose… that's much quieter.

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.