Quotes About Deception

The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible.

A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.

Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything.

Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation.

Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives.

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!

Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train.

Watch out for a man whose enemies keep disappearing.

I prefer to make up my own quotes and attribute them to very smart people, so that I can use them to win arguments

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

The weasel under the cocktail cabinet.

When you're certain you cannot be fooled, you become easy to fool.

Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.

One evening I sat Beauty on my knees – And I found her bitter – And I reviled her.

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

Humility is one of the most repulsive virtues, nearly always false.

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.

Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things.

Always mystify, torture, mislead, and surprise the audience as much as possible.

I had liked him for all the wrong reasons.