Quotes About Reality

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. "Tom's gone!" "Is he a magician?" "No." "Then let's print up some flyers!"

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

The world is drowning in weirdness and lies......and here we are, so used to it that we're actually bored!

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality.

One evening I sat Beauty on my knees – And I found her bitter – And I reviled her.

Life is tough, then you die.

Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom.

I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.

Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things.

We have truth in order not to die of art.

It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.

There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn't perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that's not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most.

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

The average person suffers from three delusions: 1) That he is a good driver 2) That he has a good sense of humor and 3) That he is a good listener.

Nothing is like it seems, but everything is exactly like it is.

I think I do find humor in disorder, and reality is disorder.

I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list.