Quotes About Understanding

When we help our children name their pain and their fears, we help them tame them.

when a child is upset, logic often won't work until we have responded to the right brain's emotional needs. We call this emotional connection "attunement," which is how we connect deeply with another person and allow them to "feel felt." When parent and child are tuned in to each other, they experience a sense of joining together.

stage, and what they are ultimately capable of. This is how we use our own mindsight skills to see the mind behind our children's behavior.

Part of truly loving our kids, and giving them what they need, means offering them clear and consistent boundaries, creating predictable structure in their lives, as well as having high expectations for them. Children need to understand the way the world works: what's permissible and what's not.

Explained most simply, mindsight is the ability to see our own mind, as well as the mind of another. It allows us to develop meaningful relationships while also maintaining a healthy and independent sense of self. When we ask our children to consider their own feelings (using personal insight) while also imagining how someone else might experience a particular situation (using empathy), we are helping them develop mindsight.

If his mother hadn't helped him tell and understand the story, Marco's fears would have been left unresolved and could have surfaced in other ways.

the behaviors and skills we want and expect our kids to demonstrate, like sound decision making, control of their emotions and bodies, empathy, self-understanding, and morality—are dependent on a part of their brain that hasn't fully developed yet.

even though entire libraries have been written discussing mental illness, mental health is rarely defined.

También es esencial tener en cuenta que por mucho que los sentimientos de nuestro hijo nos parezcan frustrantes y absurdos, para él son reales e importantes. Es fundamental tratarlos como tales en nuestra respuesta.

deep, empathic connection can and should be combined with clear and firm boundaries that create needed structure in children's lives.

we parent, and especially when we discipline, we need to work hard to understand our children's points of view, their developmental stage, and what they are ultimately capable of.

We don't simply react to their external actions, we tune in to the mind behind the behavior.

cuando un niño está alterado, la lógica no suele surtir efecto hasta que hayamos respondido a las necesidades emocionales del cerebro derecho.

I know you're sad, and I understand that you want to ride with me. I would like that, too. But we can't make that work today. Would you like to climb in or would you like Daddy to help you get in the car now? Daddy will be with you to comfort you on the way to school. I love you and I'll see you this afternoon." And with that, the front-porch situation ended, with Tim holding a crying Nina as he carried her to his car.

Kids whose parents talk to them about their feelings also develop a more robust emotional intelligence and can therefore be better at noticing and understanding their own and other people's feelings. Neurons that fire together wire together, changing the changeable brain.

activate them in a moment of distress by first connecting before redirecting.

asking ourselves these three questions—why, what, and how

Our kids don't usually lash out at us because they're simply rude, or because we're failures as parents. They usually lash out because they don't yet have the capacity to regulate their emotional states and control their impulses.

when your seven-year-old becomes defiant and calls you "Fart-face Jones" after you tell him it's time to leave his playdate, he's actually saying, "I need skill building when it comes to handling myself well and communicating my disappointment respectfully when I don't get my way." By misbehaving, kids actually communicate to us what they need to be working on—what has not yet been developed or what specific skills they need practice with.

The key to clinical attunement is to be willing to say "I don't know" and "tell me more." Your intention to help, a neural stance of positive regard likely involving the social engagement system and having a desire to connect and to assist, is woven together with an interest in supporting another with kindness and

El mindsight aparece cuando nuestra comunicación, con los demás y con nosotros mismos, nos ayuda a reflexionar sobre quiénes somos y sobre lo que sucede en nuestro interior.

I'm with you. I've got your back. Even when you're at your worst and I don't like the way you're acting, I love you, and I'm here for you. I understand you're having a hard time, and I am here.

Ready to hear me, ready to learn, ready to understand?

La «cantidad de tiempo» sí importa. Claro que sí. Pero ver a un niño va más allá de la mera presencia física. Conlleva estar en sintonía con lo que sucede dentro de ellos y centrar realmente la atención en sus sentimientos, pensamientos y recuerdos íntimos, lo que sea que pase por sus mentes, que subyazga a su comportamiento.