Quotes About Understanding

Why do you have to know so much about things, Jessie? There's just not that much to things that I could ever see.

there is considerably less violence in cultures where people think in terms of human needs than in cultures where people label one another as "good" or "bad" and believe that the "bad" ones deserve to be punished. In

Our attention is focused on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels of wrongness rather than on what we and others need and are not getting.

All criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message. The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we've allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being.

MBR: In my lifetime I've been called a multitude of names, yet I can't recall seriously learning anything by being told what I am. I'd like to learn from your appreciation and enjoy it, but I would need more information.

As is often the case, these groups were more skilled in analyzing the perceived wrongness of others than in clearly expressing their own needs.

While we may not consider the way we talk to be "violent," words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or ourselves. In

We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you will yourselves be judged… —Holy Bible, Matthew 7:1

feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as from our particular needs and expectations in that moment.

The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we've allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being.

I define judgments—both positive and negative—as life-alienating communication.

The ability to offer empathy to people in stressful situations can defuse potential violence.

When people are upset, they often need empathy before they can hear what is being said to them.

I've just become aware that for thirty-six years, I was angry with your father for not meeting my needs, and now I realize that I never once clearly told him what I needed.

appreciation expressed in this form reveals little of what's going on in the speaker;

Participant: Why, what do you mean?

MBR: First, I'd like to know what I said or did that made life more wonderful for you.

Participant: Well, you're so intelligent.

in a more loving manner, and those two things you said provide the direction I was looking for.

It does not surprise me to hear that there is considerably less violence in cultures where people think in terms of human needs than in cultures where people label one another as "good" or "bad" and believe that the "bad" ones deserve to be punished.

I was struck by the crucial role of language and our use of words. I have

Aggression is built into the ego system, which totally focuses on "I, me, and mine" whenever conflict arises.

It is my belief that all such analyses of other human beings are tragic expressions of our own values and needs.