Quotes About Understanding

In most cases, however, another step needs to take place before we can expect the other party to connect with what is going on in us. Because it will often be difficult for others to receive our feelings and needs in such situations, if we want them to hear us we would need first to empathize with them. The more we empathize with what leads them to behave in the ways that are not meeting our needs, the more likely it is that they will be able to reciprocate afterwards.

How do we learn to give from the heart in such a way that giving feels like receiving? When things are being done in a human way, I don't think you can tell the giver from the receiver. It's only when we interact with one another in what I call a judging, or judgmental, manner, that giving isn't much fun.

MBR: I'm not able to get as much out of your appreciation as I would like.

Intellectual understanding of a problem blocks the kind of presence that empathy requires. When we are thinking about people's words and listening to how they connect to our theories, we are looking at people - we are not with them.

But, if you want to feel better, I'd like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you.

It was these two things you said.

MBR: Ah, so it's my saying those two things that you appreciate.

Participant: Hopeful and relieved.

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. We often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

Mucho antes de llegar a la adultez aprendí a comunicarme de una forma impersonal que no requería revelar lo que estaba sucediendo dentro de mí.

MBR: And now I'd like to know what needs of yours were fulfilled by my saying those two things.

Participant: I have this eighteen-year-old son whom I haven't been able to communicate with.

Hearing all three pieces of information—what I did, how she felt, and what needs of hers were fulfilled—I could then celebrate the appreciation with her. Had she initially expressed her appreciation in NVC, it might have sounded like this: "Marshall, when you said these two things (showing me her notes), I felt very hopeful and relieved, because I've been searching for a way to make a connection with my son, and these gave me the direction I was looking for.

Hearing all three pieces of information—what I did, how she felt, and what needs of hers were fulfilled—I could then celebrate the appreciation with her.

Temos quatro opções quando escutamos uma mensagem difícil: 1. Culpar a nós mesmos; 2. Culpar os outros; 3. Perceber nossos próprios sentimentos e necessidades; 4. Perceber os sentimentos e necessidades dos outros.

A não-violência significa permitirmos que venha à tona aquilo que existe de positivo em nós e que sejamos dominados pelo amor, respeito, compreensão, gratidão, compaixão e preocupação com os outros, em vez de o sermos pelas atitudes egocêntricas, egoístas, gananciosas, odientas, preconceituosas, suspeitosas e agressivas que costumam dominar nosso pensamento.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you will yourselves be judged

Love is not denying ourselves and doing for others, but rather it is honestly expressing whatever our feelings and needs are and empathically receiving the other person's feelings and needs.

Iam not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does.

I had a major conflict with what went on in his head, but I've learned that I enjoy human beings more if I don't hear what they think.

This is a humbling lesson in power for those of us who believe that, because we're a parent, teacher, or manager, our job is to change other people and make them behave.

If we become skilled at giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy that then enables us to be present with the other person.

Quanto mais as pessoas que fazem parte de nossa vida tiverem sido acusadas, punidas ou forçadas a sentirem-se culpadas por não fazerem o que os outros pediram, mais provavelmente elas levarão essa bagagem a todo relacionamento posterior e ouvirão em cada solicitação uma exigência.

Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized.