Quotes About Food

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.

Anyone who thinks they're too grown up or too sophisticated to eat caramel corn, is not invited to my house for dinner

Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.

How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian)

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!

The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.

A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.