Quotes About Change

Helloooo? I just made some changes in my life, and if I don't get back to you as soon as possible, then guess what? You were one of those changes.

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.

Every Joke is a Tiny Revolution

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn't doing what I was doing.

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.

When something is 'new and improved', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

I think we agree, THE PAST IS OVER.

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

I used to be neurotic. I didn't like myself very much. But somewhere in my mid-40s, my neuroses stopped seeming so important. I developed a sense of humor.

That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.

If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn't look very cozy.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

A decrepit society shuns humor as a decrepit individual shuns drafts.

You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.

If Lincoln were alive today, he'd be turning over in his grave.

The future isn't just something that happens. It's a brutal force, with a great sense of humor, that'll steamroll you if you're not watching.

A lot of political people, especially people on the left, have forgotten the importance of humor as an incredible weapon, and a vehicle through which to affect change.

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead.