Quotes About Change

I seated ugliness on my knee, and almost immediately grew tired of it.

My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'

Allen's Law of Civilization: It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

The only laws are paradox, humor and change.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.

Humor is the fastest, fleetest way of giving -it can change pain to joy in a mere millisecond.

Why are there no "during" pictures?

If you had to choose only two qualities to get you through times of change, the first should be a sense of self-worth and the second a sense of humor.

What is amusing now had to be taken in desperate earnest once.

Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.

Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language.

Can human beings change? The humor, and the sadness, of remarriage comedies can be said to result from the fact that we have no good answer to that question.

Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good.

Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

I've always been so intrigued by French language and how it completely changes you, because of cultural context, because of humor.

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

I'm looking forward to a future where there are roles of greater vulnerability and humor involved.

Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.

Old florists never die. They just make other arrangements.

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.

Humor is how you change people's opinions, and if you can make someone laugh, they'll listen, even if they hate you.

We need a politician who hates politics.