Quotes About Time

Oh, to be seventy again!

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.

Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.

To be clever in the afternoon argues that one is dining nowhere in the evening.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.

What year did Jesus think it was?

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

Tomorrow is promised to no one.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it.

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.

Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."