Quotes About Wit

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

On Oscar Wilde:] If, with the literate, I am Impelled to try an epigram, I never seek to take the credit; We all assume that Oscar said it. [ Life Magazine, June 2, 1927]

Excuse my dust.

I've never been a millionaire but I know I'd be just darling at it.

Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I don't say she will but she can.

But I give you my word, in the entire book there is nothing that cannot be said aloud in mixed company. And there is, also, nothing that makes you a bit the wiser. I wonder--oh, what will you think of me--if those two statements do not verge upon the synonymous.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

He and I had an office so tiny, that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

I wish I could drink like a lady I can take one or two at the most Three and I'm under the table Four and I'm under the host.

Amo i Martini, ma due al massimo. Tre, e sono sotto al tavolo. Quattro, e sono sotto il cameriere.

What can you say, when a man asks you to dance with him? I most certainly will not dance with you, I'll see you in hell first. Why, thank you, I'd like to awfully, but I'm having labor pains.

She couldn't have found anything nastier to say if she had thought it out with both hands for a fortnight.

Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is. (Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.)

I'm so great even I get tongue-tied talking to myself.

He turned slowly like a fridge door opening.

He was clearly a man of many qualities, even if they were mostly bad ones.

There was once a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.

Es absolutamente demencial... una completa idiotez. Pero lo haremos porque es una estupidez brillante.

Don't stand there looking like a startled whatsisname, what are those things that aren't seals? Much worse than seals. Big, blubbery things. Dugongs. Don't stand there looking like a startled dugong. Why has that . . .

según un cálculo aproximado, soy treinta billones de veces más inteligente que tú. Déjame ponerte un ejemplo. Piensa un número, cualquiera. —Humm, el cinco —dijo el colchón. —Incorrecto —repuso Marvin—. ¿Lo ves? El colchón quedó muy impresionado y comprendió que se hallaba en presencia de un intelecto nada desdeñable

Arthur Dent, you are not merely a cruel and heartless man, you are also staggeringly tactless.

Great to see you big boy, how's the noise? You're looking great, really very, very fat and unwell. Amazing.

Use that fluff of yours you call a brain.

I, Hercule Poirot, am not amused.