Quotes About Wit

I'm lucky that my real-life Mom has both a great sense of humor about herself and an amazing ability to slip into complete denial if the subject matter gets a little too close to home.

Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table. Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!? Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?

If brains were money, you'd need to take out a loan to buy a cup of coffee.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

"Mr. Churchill you're drunk!" Mr. Churchill: "And you, Lady Astor, are ugly. As for my condition, it will pass by the morning. You, however, will still be ugly.

Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon, If you listen to popular rumour; From morning to night he's so joyous and bright, And he bubbles with wit and good humour!

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

My father's wit, and my mother's tongue, assist me!

My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny, very verbal, very clever, very witty.

My mother studied English and drama at the University of Pennsylvania, where my father studied architecture. She was a great influence in all sorts of ways, a wicked wit.

Men whose wit has been mother of villainy once have learned from it to be evil in all things.

My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.'

During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

My music is basically all about witty punchlines and lyric progression that is aimed to make you laugh or say "Woah."

I want story, wit, music, wryness, color, and a sense of reality in what I read, and I try to get it in what I write.

She's nobody's fool so I'm playing it cool as can be. I'll give it a whirl but I ain't for no girl catching me.

True wit is nature to advantage dressed; What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed.

Outward beauty is not enough; to be attractive a woman must use words, wit, playfulness, sweet-talk, and laughter to transcend the gifts of nature.

There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature - the malice of a good thing is the barb that makes it stick.

A little wit and a great deal of ill-nature will furnish a man for satire; but the greatest instance of wit is to commend well.

Raillery is a mode of speaking in favor of one's wit at the expense of one's better nature.