Quotes About Absurdity

Well, there are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.

Part of the appeal of the fantastic is taking ridiculous ideas very seriously and pretending they're not absurd.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!

The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip.