Quotes About Wordplay

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

The plural of spouse is spice.

The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's'?

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".

If there's anything I hate it's the word humorist-I feel like countering with the word seriousist.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.

I can give you two words, " I tell him. "The second is off. Can you guess the first?

My partner and I were going to renew our vowels, but the consonants revolted.

What happened when the Verb asked the noun to conjugate? She said "no-no!", forgot the "o" and decided to become a nun!

The na at the end of banana annoys me as much as it would you if it were bananana.

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.

Lil Wayne, that was one of my main influences, music-wise, because of his wordplay and metaphors.

What is the actual plural of "penis"?' I ask. 'Is it "penises"?' 'Or it could be "peni"?' offers Cassie. 'Like fungi.' 'I think it should be "pena",' I tell her. 'Although that does sound a bit like a type of pasta.' 'Ohh, ohh, I've got it,' cries Cassie. 'You know that "goose" becomes "geese"? What if one penis becomes many "poonis"?

Tushy McBottomchu, or

And S. I. Hayakawa, multiplex stringman. I'd tell you not to fret but that would spoil your playing." Freddie cackled merrily at his pun, then pointed his plastic weapon at the gross musician who joined feebly in the

Curse us eh/I'll make you pay!/I don't want to rhyme all day!