Quotes About Terry Pratchett

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord. Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

No, what he didn't like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk.

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.

I hate cats. Death's face became a little stiffer, if that were possible. The blue glow in his eye sockets flickered red for an instant. I SEE, he said. The tone suggested that death was too good for cat haters.

Mister Teatime had a truly brilliant mind, but it was brilliant like a fractured mirror, all marvellous facets and rainbows but, ultimately, also something that was broken.

The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).

It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it, said War testily, the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocalypse.

Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

Bursar? Yes, Archchancellor? You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you? Me? No, Archchancellor. Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.

Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of a diseased mind.

We've strayed into a zone with a high magical index,' he said. 'Don't ask me how. Once upon a time a really powerful magic field must have been generated here, and we're feeling the after-effects.' Precisely,' said a passing bush.

In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you?

Satire is meant to ridicule power. If you are laughing at people who are hurting, it's not satire, it's bullying.

I don't think I've drunk enough beer to understand that.

Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of The Shades was suicide. Asking for a short in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying 'Got rocks in your head?' to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.

I wouldn't trust you with a bucket of water if my knickers were on fire!

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant? Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

I would like you to teach [the orcs] civilised behaviour, said Ladyship coldly. He appeared to consider this. Yes of course, I think that would be quite possible, he said. And who would you send to teach the humans?

Well,----me," he said. "A----ing wizard. I hate----ing wizards!" "You shouldn't----them, then," muttered one of his henchmen, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes.