Quotes About Responsibility

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

It's your money. You paid for it.

Journalists belong in the gutter because that is where the ruling classes throw their guilty secrets.

Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm.

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

Whatever my ancestors did to you, none of them consulted me.

All mothers are slightly insane.

When you're on a staff, it's not your job to write what you think is funny. It's your job to write what the person who created the show thinks is funny.

Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".

It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.

The rich hire lawyers and accountants for a reason - to pass the tax bill on to you.

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.

I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He was funny once, but now he belongs to the dead.

Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once.

Back then, if you had a sore arm, the only people concerned were you and your wife. Now it's you, your wife, your agent, your investment counselor, your stockbroker, and your publisher.

As I get older, the character evolves tremendously because I'm married and have kids now and realize certain things are not funny anymore. I threw them out of my act.

Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.

People who laugh so heartily at what they themselves have said, when it is not funny, dispense us accordingly, by taking upon themselves the responsibility for the mirth, from joining in it.

When somebody says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," it means they've got other things to do first.

I may be irresponsible but I am a good irresponsible.

The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

I take Charb's point, but at some point has Charlie Hebdo been trying to have it both ways because some of what they do is not funny.