Quotes About Responsibility

A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been.

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!

The stupidity of one brain multiplied by twelve.

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear.

I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.

I've got daughters. Nine years old and six years old. First of all, I'm gonna teach them about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them PUNISHED with a baby.

The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

If the future of the free world depends on me, please accept my apology in advance

No one likes a person that "should of" all over the place.

Reggie, you wrapped your sports car around a telephone pole after drinking a bar." "Yeah... But I was wearing my seatbelt.

If my liver cared enough, it would have told me to stop. - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy

Take care of your car in the garage, and the car will take care of you on the road.

You are never to drive like that, " I told them. "Even if you are ever wealthy enough to own a Jaguar.

She just asked me to pick her up some tampons and a Yoo-Hoo." ~Alex Sinclair

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

You must feed them, Anne, else they eat their toys.

Cheeky. Carry them for nine months, feed them, clothe them, and what do I get? Impertinence.

I hang around kids so people will assume when I act like one it's because I'm babysitting.