Quotes About Surprise

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello, goodbye, and I'm pregnant.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

Last christmas my sister, Geri, gave me a lovely Cloth calendar. It only took me 5 hours to sew in a Doctor's appointment...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi driver says, don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said: How the hell did you get in here?

If your girlfriend complains that you never take her anywhere expensive...take her to the gas station.

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

When you took your seat I felt as if a woman had come into my bathroom and I had only the sponge to defend myself.

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.

Fifty percent of the world are women, yet they always seem a novelty.

Love is strange and mysterious.. Just like Jelly beans..

Love is like an earthquake-unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over you realize how lucky you truly are.

Love comes to you just at the right time the time you never thought it would have.

Sometimes people are afraid of falling in love, because it sometimes comes in a way we never expected.