Quotes About Perspective

There's no such thing as old age, there is only sorrow.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young.

The Bible was written by barbarians in a barbarous, coarse and vulgar age.

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.

The child thinks of growing old as an almost obscene calamity, which for some mysterious reason will never happen to itself. All who have passed the age of thirty are joyless grotesques, endlessly fussing about things of no importance and staying alive without, so far as the child can see, having anything to live for. Only child life is real life.

If one age believes too much it is natural that another believes too little.

If youth knew; if age could.

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Live your life and forget your age.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?

Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'di..', and 'Colon'.

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

A man explained inflation to his wife thus: 'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.'

She's got a great looking husband, a little boy and all the money in the world. She hasn't got the looks, but you can't have everything.

If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.