Quotes About Perspective

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.

Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George!

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.

I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.

Half a truth is better than no politics.

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.