Quotes About Perspective

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others.

To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.

If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.

Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.

Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of 'em is super illegal.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

My experience is to deal with things through humor.

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.

I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.