Quotes About Perspective

Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. "Tom's gone!" "Is he a magician?" "No." "Then let's print up some flyers!"

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.

I think everybody you know, we all have a sense of humor and I'm not one to take myself too seriously.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

I don't understand how somebody wouldn't have a sense of humor about themselves.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Humor makes our heavy burdens light and smoothes the rough spots in our pathways.

A sense of humor is the main measure of sanity.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Men are all the same, they think that because they came out of the belly of a woman they know all there is to know about women.

Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I don't think I could eat eight.

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.

I used to be neurotic. I didn't like myself very much. But somewhere in my mid-40s, my neuroses stopped seeming so important. I developed a sense of humor.

One loses everything when one loses one's sense of humor.

Thank God you've got a sense of humor, or you'd be in trouble.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.