Quotes About Perspective

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

If you're right & I'm not, I'm going to be hell to live with, she said. So, you better think about that next time you want to be right.

Some folks rail against other folks, because other folks have what some folks would be glad of.

When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse.

The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip.

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.

Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom.

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker.

A reasonable amount of fleas is good for a dog; it keeps him from brooding over being a dog.

If there's anything I hate it's the word humorist-I feel like countering with the word seriousist.

All higher humor begins with ceasing to take oneself seriously.

Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

You aren't really old until nothing is fun enough to make you forget the weather.

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

I can see the humor in just about any situation. After I lost my dad, I realized that none of us should take things too seriously, because everything except death works itself out.

It's funny - there's nothing that stops you laughing like the sight of other people laughing about something else.

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.