Quotes About Perspective

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

Ultimate seriousness in not without a dose of humor.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Absolute seriousness is never without a dash of humor.

Don't pay any attention to the critics; don't even ignore them.

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

We are able to laugh when we achieve detachment, if only for a moment.

I had used my sense of humor; I had called it proportion, perspective. But perspective is distance.

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don't like that.

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.

Meow" means "woof" in cat.

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

How can I die? I'm booked.

You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.

The first prerequisite of an advanced being is a sense of humor.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.