Quotes About Perspective

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

There's two heads to every coin.

You know, in the suburbs, most people believe in gravity, but they don't have much of a sense of humor.

There are people that say you should never use humor to talk about anything that's important or hard, and since I don't believe that, at some point there has to be a level of "agree to disagree."

[I]t is well to have as many holds upon happiness as possible.

Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list.

Don't call me a dinosaur. It isn't fair to the dinosaurs. What did a dinosaur ever do to you?

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

One does not have humor. It has you.

No one will laugh at how great things are for somebody.

Men are not nearly as evolved as women are, nor as intelligent, evidently

All of our lives are governed by a certain degree of faith in bullshit.

One does not go to Moscow to get fat.

There's no winning arguments with your parents, so why get all pumped up over them? It is way better to dive down and get out of the way than it is to get clobbered by some parental tidal wave.

Someday, my young friend, you'll find out that girls are actually people too. Just like you and me.

As I get older, my sense of humor is my biggest asset.

She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties.

So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.

Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

My sense of humor will always stand in the way of my seeing myself, my family, my race or my nation as the whole intent of the universe.

It's like geographical humor. You just don't get it unless you were there.