Quotes About Shame

At the exact time that our society embraces shaming, blaming, judgment, and rejection, it also holds acceptance and belonging as immensely important. In other words, it's never been more impossible to 'fit in,' yet 'fitting in' has never been more important and valued

To reignite creativity, innovation, and learning, leaders must rehumanize education and work. This means understanding how scarcity is affecting the way we lead and work, learning how to engage with vulnerability, and recognizing and combating shame.

We know from the research that unwanted identity is the most powerful elicitor of shame.

Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot tolerate having words wrapped around it. What it craves is secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you stay quiet, you stay in a lot of self-judgment

When we hear stories about shame that don't fit with our experiences, our first reaction is often to distance ourselves from the experiences—" My mother would never say that" or "I don't get women who don't enjoy sex" or "She's so naïve—her husband's a wacko." The distancing turns very quickly into blame, judgment and separation. This fuels the shame epidemic. Let

there are studies that identify shame as the dominant emotion experienced by mental health clients, exceeding anger, fear, grief and anxiety.

If we want to be fully engaged, to be connected, we have to be vulnerable. In order to be vulnerable, we need to develop resilience to shame.

Mean and nasty is my default setting. It doesn't take courage for me to be shaming back. I can use my shame superpowers for evil in a split second. Letting myself feel hurt—that's a totally different story. I think your default is my courage.

Honest conversations about shame can change the way we live, love, parent, work, and build relationships. We have thousands of letters and emails from readers that all say the same thing: "I can't believe how much just naming and talking about shame changed my life!

Shame and humiliation will never be effective social justice tools.

Why do we insist on dress-rehearsing tragedy in moments of deep joy? Because joy is the most vulnerable emotion we feel. And that's saying something, given that I study fear and shame.

define narcissism as the shame-based fear of being ordinary.

When we're in shame, we're not fit for human consumption. And we're especially dangerous around people over whom we have some power.

If you want to kick-start your shame resilience and story-claiming, start with these questions. Figuring out the answers can change your life: 1. Who do you become when you're backed into that shame corner? 2. How do you protect yourself? 3.

As a shame researcher, I've learned that wherever perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun.

If blame is driving, shame is riding shotgun. In organizations, schools, and families, blaming and finger-pointing are often symptoms of shame. Shame researchers June Tangney and Ronda Dearing explain that in shame-bound relationships, people "measure carefully, weigh, and assign blame.

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight.

Perfeccionismo não é se esforçar para a excelência. Perfeccionismo não tem a ver com conquistas saudáveis e crescimento. Perfeccionismo é um movimento defensivo. É a crença de que, se fizermos as coisas com perfeição e parecermos perfeitos, poderemos minimizar ou evitar a dor da culpa, do julgamento e da vergonha.

Authenticity demands wholehearted living and loving—even when it's hard, even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it.

wherever perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun

If you want to kick-start your shame resilience and story-claiming, start with these questions. Figuring out the answers can change your life: Who do you become when you're backed into that shame corner? How do you protect yourself? Who do you call to work through the mean-nasties or the cry-n-hides or the people-pleasing? What's the most courageous thing you could do for yourself when you feel small and hurt?

When shame becomes a management style, engagement dies. When failure is not an option we can forget about learning, creativity, and innovation.

Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield.

Yes, we all struggle with shame and the fear of not being enough.