Quotes About Perception

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are

Moral indignation in most cases is, 2% moral, 48% indignation, and 50% envy.

Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.

What does politically correct mean? If you're fat, don't ask me if you're fat, because I'm gonna tell you the truth. You're fat.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.

For my next trick I will make everyone understand me.

Comedy is an ability to observe and see what's funny in a situation and be able to forget yourself enough to do it.

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

I don't want to be put on a pedestal. I want to be known as a nice and normal person, but my skills are a little more excelled.

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

Good-looking people turn me off. Myself included.

Every word she writes is a lie, including "and" and "the."

It may be true that artists adopt a flamboyant appearance, but it's also true that people who look funny get stuck with the arts.

If you catch me saying 'I am a serious actor,' I beg you to slap me.

Small things amuse small minds.

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

You are not Responsible for what people think about you. But, you are Responsible for what you give them to think about you...

If you are so embarrassed about yourself that cannot even present your real face to others , why don't you put some efforts to make yourself presentable?