Quotes About Perception

Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.

Dont believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves.

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the whole damn community will stop by to chat. True story. FML.

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

I see L.A. as a beautiful blonde with dirty underwear.

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

Any girl can look glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse'.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint is not intended.