Quotes About Awareness

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

If something is going to happen to me, I want to be there.

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.

He's always asking: 'Is that new? I haven't seen that before.' It's like, Why don't you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.

I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must first break your mirror

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?